angelsDoExist; butImNot1

nameless emotions...

2008-09-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

reincarnation wasnt an endless phenomenon...
21 yrs of life has now come to a standstill...
a standstill at d door of death...
physical death as compared to death of d soul...
i prefer the former,...
i realise it as the ultimate freedom...
i long for it

...latelyPreoccupiedInFarewellThoughts...

2008-03-28T00:21:00.000-07:00

27 th september 2004 That was d day we, around a 100 of us : the comscians, ITians and the EC ians of the 04-08 batch became part of the TKMIT family.
And now, after exactly 3 years and a half, yesterday, on the 27th of march,2008, our management officially declared the removal of our names from the students list, to d alumni list, wid a well arranged "farewell party"(The biggest joy of d day was to know dat our management has matured enuf 2 throw such a well organized party, for its students, that i now remeber our previous 2 batches, of seniors, whu had to leave d place wid no such "goodbye day", to remeber) .

Farewell, though, was its name, i had never realised dat dis was such a big occassion, dat I was seeing a majority of those faces, for d last time, in my life; but, after hearing our former director Nizar sir giving a heartfelt speech abt life during, n after college,n after having most of ma dear colleagues come forward n stretch deir hands for a goodbye handshake, i had no other option,but open my eyes to d seriousness it was. And those moments of realization were really not so easy to face, dat i had to strain a bit ,to retain a smile on ma face till d end of the ceremony.

After the management had done wid its official part of d function,it was good to have d guests n management personas give the hall for us, students to exchange deir 4 yr experiences at d colg. Given a mic and put in front of thier dear companions, some had lots n lots of nostalgia to share, sum went speechless n wound up in just a 'll miss u' note n left d rest unsaid (n dats d grup 2 which i belong ;) ) n sum others tuk the oppurtunity to open up der minds n wash out d egos...
N den wen it was abt meeting my dear comscians at d classroom n bidding them goodbye, it was really hard, dat i kept myself back, from reaching out to any of dem, n saying, bubye, but kept enjoying d tym, as any other day in colg, but not as the "last colg day".But widin me, certainly, was murmuring, dose gudbyes, dat ma frens threw at me, making me realise, how stupid i was, to hav thot, i wouldnt ever miss dem :D ..

There are some people, whu come into our lives without our consent, n establish demselves as one of our priorities, in no time.Now it seems dey r d people whu move away from us first. Their exit is often as sudden n untold, as their entry, and der may not b a valid reason, even. It leaves a pain dat remains as a memorial of the relation, sumwere down d heart. Yesterday, I witnessed some such relations, ending in just a handshake, or maybe a farewell kiss.. n some even in untold goodbyes. N dis was, i knew, d last oppurtunity to, break d ice n go forward to make sum moves, which wud save myself from losing sum of d people whu were once, very important parts of ma life, but sumthing really held me back. Why? Maybe, d hesitation to open up, maybe d lack of optimism, or maybe, even d feeling of guilt n fear of rejection, but now its d end to d hope dat everythin is goin to fall in place sumwher down d lane... Life now prompts me to accept things d way dey r n be happy wid dem; to stop wishing for a golden touch dat wud give d lives around, a stunning makeover. Certainly it would b d easier way out, to wind up all dose thots wid a " lifes like that", but, who knows.... kalKaKyaBharosa!!!

missUMyLove...

2008-03-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

D day I realised i was in love;
D day I admitted u wer d man of my lyf;
D day I started moulding myself 2 b d best gal u cud hav;
D day I started enjoying ur possessiveness;
D day I surrendered 2 ur fantasies;
D day I slept under d heaviness of ur naked body;
Dose days....
Everyday came wid a special gift...

I wished if life continued 2 b d same always
But destiny tuk us sumwhere else.

Getting u was my biggest dream ever
D same eventually became my biggest dream cum true
Ur love became my biggest luxury;
In ur love, I 4got 2 take care of myself;
Pampering u became my new happiness
Loving u became a new way of lyf;

But, like any dream wud do,
It all ended in a wake up;
A wake up to d reality....
But I still wish to sleep; to dream-
But only if no1 wud wake me up, ever!!!

Goodbye 2 a four-year package of spicy moments

2008-03-08T01:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I WONT MISS U TKMIT;
but I don deny, dat iv loved U

Yesterday wen i scribbled down in my notepad, a synopsis of all dose happenings in dis beloved place,TKMIT,(well, in my notepad, n not in a blog, cos i knew,dose minute details of d many everyday fun n horror happenings wud turn,wat was supposed 2 be a synopsis,into a not so short n not so entertaining novel) i cudnt find a single drop of tear rolling down my cheek, or a nostalgic heaviness occupying my heart(as it is supposed 2 b, for any human being, while thinking about saying gudbye 2 his colg)...n 4 d first tym,i was tempted to, publishing sumthing on d blog.

4 yrs of continual episodes of struggles n miniature world wars,now seem 2 b as silly as few scenes from d script of a masala film (well, wid myself as the notorious protagonist,definitely), scribbled sumwhere in a corner of d heart. Every sweet n bitter memory iv had thru dese 4 yrs, just deserves 2 b remembered wid a casual smile, n nuthing more.

Starting wid ,

d very jovial n frenly classmates whu filled each others' days colorful, wid fun n luv during d first year at colg, up till

d third sem, which started off wid my first-ever(and d last too) colg. tour which took my life thru a U turn, into a not so memmorable commitment,

which at times, not even d people around, but even myself misinterpreted as love during d 4th sem, n den d episodes of absconding so as 2 save myself from d same, n a shift from being a hosteller 2 a day scholar, just to get me on track again,

a semestr 5 dat had nothing much 2 claim about, but a sweet ending wid my sister getting married 2 d man of her life,

a semester 6 dat marked my days wid a sudden take off to a high, really high note, wid d entry of a smartchap(yes, hes literally d smartest iv ever seen, in almost every sense) ,whu came wid promises of a true love,gradually making me believe, I was d luckiest gal in d universe, helping me mark my place in d heart of every fellow colg. mate, as d biggest ever 'flirt'(dats not d real word, but,now 4 a blog, dis is enuf.. d rest is left 2 ur imagination;u may go as much hi on dat side, as u can... :P)

n d seventh sem leaving me, wid a task of managing myself at d crisis called break up, wen our smartey soon flew off into his 'own world' in search of his destiny,,,

n now, up till a calm n silent last sem, numbered 8, again wid nuthing much 2 claim abt, but boring colg hrs n sum low-pace frenships,,,wid all of us getting ourselves prepared 2 depart, to say gudbyes, n move forward in life,,,

d last 4 years gave a real mix of experiences, dat came up wid a big bang but, finally laid demselves down, on just few sectors of d memory, making me wish not 2 have dem happen again, in my life...

Yes,I must accept that TKMIT is definitely not a place where i found people whu have accepted me for wat I am, people whu hav been my strength n support thru d thick n thin,
but, truly,

i don wish, if dese 4 yrs havnt been part of my life, cos, dat is wat made me, wat i am. Im thankful to dose m/ms n dose ppl whu are part of dose m/ms, cos, dey hav stayed wid me, n hav made up my days for 4 long years,,,, but, now its tym 4 a take off, a real take off... I don wish 2 leave d place wid tears, but just cheerful n happy smiles, n a few notes of wishing luck, to all dudes n dudettes out dere,,, I don wanna take along wid me, any leftovers, of d egos n dirty shits, but move on wid a clean n clear heart,making further space 4 all dose future dirt n grime n similar shit waitin 4 me... :P